Dependency. It is not something that we like to entertain in day to day life. We have learned to stand on our own two feet, to rely on our own abilities and understanding and to make our own choices.
We go through the grind. We bark our orders. We rack up our regrets. And we try to change the lives of others with our own limited means. I have seen and I have been this ugly side of leadership. To those who I have wounded struggling to do the work of God relying only on the resources of man, I apologize. I am wholeheartedly sorry. Please forgive me. It was such a mistake.
But for my own heart and for the hearts of every leader, a simple question: why would we ever choose to lead this way?
It must be because we see no alternative option. Because who would ever elect to lead in such a painful, counter-productive fashion if there were another way?
Far too often, I forget that Jesus' instructions to the early church about how to reach the world never left us lacking His assistance. He promised to send us a Comforter, to be with us until the end of the age, to write His law upon our hearts, to fill us with His Spirit and to give us the words to speak. In His comissioning of His followers, there is not a trace of abandonment.
Jesus promises to be present.
While we strive to lead, to speak, to love and to do what He's called us to in this world, we have the full and unmistakable promise of our Savior that He will be with us. He invites us into a state of complete dependency. He never expects us to "make it;" to arrive at a place where we are no longer in need of Him.
Rather, He invites and wholeheartedly encourages us to lean on Him in every moment. To rely on His wisdom, His grace and His leading is the mark of a follower of Him. It is the life that we sign on for.
I am unashamed of my need of Him. I must have Him every moment and I make catastrophic mistakes when I am without His aid. I am not independent. And standing on my own two feet is unwise because far too often they lead me in the wrong direction. Many people have been hurt by those wrong turns in the past and I openly repent. I repent also to myself, for foolishly forcing myself to do what I was never created to: to live and to lead without relying on the Lord.
It is too great a burden for me to bear. And it is not a burden He ever asked me to bear. And I willingly and joyful lay it down at His feet and am met with such sudden relief.
With all of my imperfections and foolishness, I will not posture myself as a perfect example to follow. I will not establish myself as the one you should look to for a model of living for God.
I am broken and imperfect. But my Father loves me. And He is leading me. And I will do my best to follow Him. And the best I can hope is that we can follow Him together, depending on Him to help us do all the things that we alone cannot.
Dependency. The beauty of a God whose love matters in my living; who delights to accompany me in my living. This beauty I cannot contain in words.
It is my joy to need Him.
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