'So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
And I wish you were here'
It captures the essence of loneliness so well. The distance. And a certain emptiness.
At one point in the song, instead of the standard "and I miss you" it takes a subtle turn that makes a big impact (on me at least).
'Yeah, I miss you.'
The rest of the chorus remains the same, except for that simple "yeah." And for some reason that catches my attention in a big way. The "yeah" is truly potent. It hits harder than the line does without it. But why?
I think the reason is that the "yeah" strikes at confession. It's an admission of something that you'd otherwise wish to keep hidden away.
Yes, it's true: I miss you.
Fine, I'll admit it: I miss you.
There's a certain extent to which missing someone feels like a weakness. Because it seems that whatever tangled, complicated reasons that you are no longer in relationship with whomever it is should be enough to negate your emotional ties to them.
But that simply isn't the case.
We've been in a season of great loss. So many ties divided in such a short period of time. So many who we assumed would be on the canvas of our lives forever suddenly absent from at least the day to day and some absent even from the new vision of our future.
And for once, let's just admit that there's something that feels strange about that absence. There's something in us that never quite settles with the fact of loss, however it comes.
Another verse in the same song says it well:
'I miss the years that were erased.
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face.
I miss all the little things.
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me.
Yeah, I miss you.
And I wish you were here.'
"I miss the years that were erased." I think that hits the heart of it. There's something in our souls that recognizes just how dear an emotional tie is. And that same part of us just cannot accept that such a connection should just vanish into oblivion.
We are creatures of relationship, sustained by it. And I think that is one of the ways that we most reflect the image of God. He is love. And chooses commitment even unto the cross for such a ragtag bunch as we rather than turning His back on relationship. Because He must love. Because He is love.
So for once, let's not be ashamed of the same refusal to forsake relationship that makes separation so hard. Let's recognize it for what it is: one of the ways that we are like Him.
There are so many people who were in our lives last year who aren't now, who we assumed would be there forever. So many different relationships that have been severed or at least drastically changed in a thousand different ways.
And though I'm not sorry for a lot of the things that we've done to bring us to this place and though there are many cases in which I know that, at least for now, the separation we've found has been the healthiest thing and I think truly the Lord's will for this season...
Even with all of that considered, let me say it plainly and honestly:
I miss you.
I miss all of the good times that we had. The bright times that so often outweighed the shadows. The deep, bursting moments when it felt as though for an instant our hearts were singing the exact same anthem.
I miss the laughter. The inside jokes. The dependability that we at least thought we had in one another. It feels unnatural still that such things can be "erased."
I've made my peace with the season of separation that we're in and I'm finding Him here more and more. But I miss you.
And in a perfect world comprised of people far more whole than we, I wish that this separation never would have happened. I wish that we could have resolved every hurt, every issue and gone on in relationship, even if we had to take different paths. And I wish that we had some sort of real connection left now. We are not who we were. And we are sure that you aren't either.
And there is a very real part of me that misses you. And wishes you were here.
So to those of you who we've lost to miles, to misunderstandings, to changes in direction, to trials, to heartache and even to eternity. To all of you I'll say that my hope hangs on the fact that my God is a restorer. He is a redeemer. And He heals the deepest hurts. And I believe with all I am that when we join Him in glory, we will rejoice at one great table and celebrate, not just our reconciliation to our God, but also our reconciliation to one another. To a family that we know in our heart of hearts should never be broken. I anxiously await that day.
And in the meantime:
'Just know that wherever you are,
Yeah, I miss you.
And I wish you were here.'
